Bricked it

Sometimes I miss you more than usual. Because normally it’s a silent, dull ache. Something you always know is there but can ignore if you move around and keep loose. Today was hard. Today was the biting, burning kind of missing you; it was looking around our house and seeing nothing, heading nothing, remembering only us. Then the look you gave me when you came back tonight, so uncaring, nothing and no time for me. I was mearly a piece of furniture in the way, old and outdated. Couldn’t care less, couldn’t spare even a thought in passing even as I reduce myself to atoms for you just as you wished. It’s so heartbreaking to remember myself being happy, in a sad way. I just miss you. I just miss how we were so long ago. How you made life feel just better, easier, full of love and possibilities. To feel wanted just as much as I want you, although more and more I am seeing that one specifically wasn’t true and never will be. I loved with all, knowingly and willingly giving you all the power to destroy me and everything around me. Sadly that’s the sticking point. I hurt, you don’t. And I think that’s what burns so much. You’ve already moved on, I’ve become a byline in an obituary while you polish up and repair bridges and cranes. Yet despite all that, all I hope is you will be ok in future and come back to me, my loyalty has not once faltered despite all my other mistakes, you have been the only one in my heart if I had such a thing. I pray just like this weekend you come back to me in one piece. I just hope never to get your reaction that I received tonight. I pray you will be ok, maybe then I’ll be ok as well.