Leaving But Not On A Jet plane

Like I said you never did

And I read something

Even shared “no reason

To stay is a good reason to go.” So I followed

As I’m one of those people

Who isn’t only a reader

But who welcomes those

Words in their lives

And let them change them.

I never wanted you to leave

But you wanted to separate 

For so so long and so so badly

I tried everyday to come closer,

To reconnect, to find the lost bond

And shared love we both pissed away

But it all seemed to vanish out

Maybe dead and dead don’t wake up

No matter how much you mourn.

You packed your clothes, 

I have you the suitcase

You looked for an escape,

A trip and a hotel

You booked your plane ticket

So happy and free, unweighed 

By the separation or loss. 

As I didn’t mean enough

For you to lose in the first place.

I warmed the truck

You stepped out

But when I looked at you packing

The vehicle and driving away,

Not a glance, wave, or even any

Acknowledgment of loss 

On your way out and down

The street and away.

You were busy, maybe you

We’re digging up and opening

Wounds that together we closed.

Thinking of excuses to ignore 

My effort and change and will

To be better for you and repair

What was lost. The moment we danced

To the stars I had the realization that

I need you, that I always have.

I can only pray in vain that deep down

You feel the same, if only you’d show. 

It is the worst kind of death seeing you 

Give what should have been mine 

To a bottom feeder who is using 

Your love like he has done before

And others have done to you. 

I could come up with a hundred reasons

To be mine, even tho I have felt that you’ve

Settled and left a part of yourself back in 

2012-2015

And even tho it was a lie the love

You expressed was so deep you can’t

Even bring yourself to stare at it

And condemn and crucify the worst

Of monsters, even when they invade

Our life and try for you again.

I don’t blame them, you have changed

The world for the better just by

Being in it, even trash you’ve made better

Look how you’ve unfettered me.

You are a drug of pure starlight

Shooting liquid miracles through the vains

Of the mundane and common. 

You bring selfish to their knees just by

Showing them what pure divinity,

Innocence and beauty look like.

I am haunted house without you, 

So brittle and empty. Where once was

Innocent laughter and joy is replaced with

Cavernous silence, dust and regret.

We both carry on oddly enough, 

You’ve been down this road before,

I have not. I as if I am on some mental

Bataan death march. And you with

Smiles and laughter as if you’d been freed

From the worst of gulags. Despite my

Warnings you are “happy” with this

New user, and the only one who seems

Blind to it, is you