Insanity is what?...

The irony is not lost on me
i have become what i detested so much
although i must say it is fun
and in some ways calling and fulfilling
owning the best part of a person's past
knowing that no matter what they do
i cannot be erased
i had my will
i OWN those moments
and all those associated
Mexico? Mine
New England? Eclipsed and now mine, deeper
and more meaningful than ever
untouchable from now one because of what we did there
and how we did it
i created an angel
who shines bright and fills the world
with perfection
her sister i am still the true patriarch
more than any other
i left memories with her as well
memories of family, love, care and most of all
attention
that elusive action my former flame
will never give
has never gave
and never will

a survivor
a warrior
a Goddess
and this mortal owns her
i never saw it before
but just as she has branded my soul
like it or not i am to her the same
the places we "enjoyed"
will forever be a part of me
as they are her
no matter her actions hence forth
whether with her new... benefactor (or should i say daddy?)
 or not she cannot erase that i did better
money or no
i gave freedom
i gave pleasure
i gave ecstasy
i gave life
that's why should my Goddess go abroad
those places are mine
 she gave her power and i gave my worship
and prostituting to some pathetic daddy for money
cant change that

Now i know how "it" felt
secure in the knowledge i have left my mark
although mine eclipsed his, much to my glee because lets face it
he, a bloated tanned corpse
i?
i am younger
i am more hungry
i am more vibrant
i am stronger
i am breathtaking
i certainly am... bigger (duh) lol
i am and always will be more
than all those who were before me
and all those who will follow
my will and my world left a lasting
impression and that will be carried
to the grave and beyond
Crypt lake? Mine
Tyrell? Really mine
the ball parks? Mine
in a way my need to exist
my sword logic as it were
created the conditions
that now make it impossible
to live in these spaces
without being tainted by me
i color the very air
an indescribable color
that's what happens when you
leave a Goddess breathless
no whither old man
no matter his money can compare
yes i drove myself mad with my drive
to exist and eclipse
in my mind it has paid dividends now
and keeps paying the more i ruminate
on that fading flame
knowing that this is immortality
and that visiting these places
cant erase what we created there
or exchanged is a better word
a beast with two backs
in the words of old Shakespeare
over
and over
yes like any flame it faded (not by my hand if you havnt noticed)
and now i reside in the age of Dark
an age i am bound and determined
to make the new age of the Deep sea
just like i remade her past
eclipsed
covered
renewed
i am the past
i am the present
who knows the future perhaps i will be that as well
my worship is like no other
there is no other man like me
no country for one such as i
look what ive done
ive bought a paid for those places
we fucked so as to forever be
that thought in the back of her mind (and should he know it will be in his mind too)
the deja vu
i am the living embodiment of  that "never mind" that slammed
to the forefront of her consciousness
when she remembers the ecstasy
my size
my passion
my worship
that cant be paved over by money
or an old decrepit aging boss
who pales in comparison
in all the ways that matter
yes that way
he is also reviled
where i am revered
just like "it" i am better
money cant buy talent
at the end of the day i am not
a bloated tanned yam
a bald herpes infested asshat
a similarly bald vacuous whore
or in this final case, a hair plugged
bleach blond, aging, perverted gorilla pedo who happens
to disgust everyone who has ever come in contact

i found my worth oddly enough
it took this vivisection to see
i was the diamond in the rough
put of all i hold promise beyond my years
a stubbornness unmatched
i am always all in
i am a searcher
always searching for the sun to worship and fight for
you were that sun
and you threw it away
mortals make mistakes
it happens, with enough devotion all can perservere
dont you see your pattern?
at what point do think the problem is maybe just maybe
you?