Monopoly Sux

    This is a different post than most. Just a thought that i had to get down and out. i have been ruminating on present circumstance and feeling and it is all to similar to the months past. Silence, insanity, ruination all around me and being able to control not an iota of it. Other people and their idiocy or flat out evil. No control whatsoever and it has i think permanently made a mark on my psyche that cannot be undone, not anymore. 

Unlike before tho i feel in a place of defeat being the forgone conclusion. 

Have you ever played the board game monopoly? There is a point in the game (and most games about trading and the like) where the distribution of resources has started to crystallize and it is not entirely clear who will win, but it is all to real who will certainly lose. If you have ever been in the position of loser at this point it is almost surreal as you have completely lost yet but you are literally one big 'blow' away from either losing outright or being 'wounded' beyond repair only to be finished off with the next inevitable blow. In the context of the game you have some resources, money and property, enough to hang around for a time but one roll of dice that does not fall your way (landing on a hotel or something) and you are done. Unless you receive a miracle you are essentially the walking dead because there is no way you can chip away to get ahead and you have to keep in mind all the other players are also advancing and growing just as you are, so the relative positions in the game remain the same other than growing gap between the top player and the last. 

You know you've lost. You are essentially on death row just waiting to be finished. Am i attributing alot more to a game that is necessary? Of course i am. If you've read any of my posts that's is precisely what i do. In any event to make a long story short, you've know you've lost you are just waiting for the end.

This is where i am. Or at least where i feel i am. Blow after blow, watching others walk into gifts and easy living (the equivalent of great dice rolls in the monopoly game i described) while i get stuck on crappy 'chance card' spaces and 'go to jail' spaces. i have some resources, not enough to have any sort of life worth living but some none the less. Yet both mentally and in reality that is around me i am one single blow away from being finished off. i do not know what that blow is or could be, or when or how. But i have a feeling in my gut that is coming one way or another and there is nothing i can do to stop it. 

Anyone who has played the game and been in this position knows the chances of pulling yourself out of it are next to nil. And i see the same thing in this everyday life. There is no getting out of this, there is no coming back from this. This position is permanent. Everything i do is completely futile and met with absolute silence. We as humans have evolved to the degree that we are required in order to live a happy life to struggle and overcome. The scientific literature is overwhelming to this fact; which when juxtaposed to the futility of everything i do now i am simply going through the motions, dead man walking. This is exactly like in the game when you are finished, you know you are finished but you are still playing. Going to the motions of the game even tho not one thing you do can change your present situation for the better. Things can only get worse and they most likely will, sooner rather than later. Again this is all up to the roll of dice when it comes to the length time it takes to end your time playing the game. The outcome tho is all the same. That is where i am. That is where i will be for however long it takes for the gods to finish me off, when it seems they are done playing with me and dragging this out. 

This is not a whining session. Life is not fair nor should it be. i never asked for handouts or miracles or even lucky brakes. However i point out observations when i see them and this is an observation. It is all too natural to look for meaning in the world around us or ways to explain it, and i believe this an apt explanation to be honest. Where this ends i do not know, make no mistake tho it is going to end. All games do.