Patience please, patience and time

The "child" is bleeding out into our life this weekend. Let my guard down for just a few moments and bam! He escapes. His awful negativity made my goddess weep and that cut like you wouldn't believe. I was the cause of this and I can't stand it. Maybe it's the stress that I had a moment or two of weakness I don't know. I must admit he is getting so loud with "his" worries and yet there is no need. The dinosaur is a world away and although he hurt my goddess in ways which make me weep he doesn't matter anymore. But still "he" natters on and makes me weary. That I think is why in all this wonderment of change I still find myself moody, like a child. I love this change and the path to a bright future is ahead and I can't even keep myself still I'm so excited! But I let my guard down for one moment and that happens. Well no more, I must be more vigilant for both our sakes. I make her happy and I plan to keep that going. For she is my everything and always, my goddess.

I must admit this is getting better. For every setback there is much more brevity which is an immense comfort. I need only find little tricks to keep the "child" locked up and distracted and then everything is right and good. There is not much I hate outside of myself but I hate seeing my goddess cry especially on account of my actions. I will be better tho, the signs are already pointing in that direction. Just takes time and practice. And of course with her help we will silence the past and give the "child" no reason to chordal on like so. Maybe it's because "he" can't wrap his head around the situation (although there is no situation, it's the past and all that's left is memories), I can at least understand that. I must admit these writings are therapy for me, like a massage of sorts to brake up the scar tissue and ease the toxins away. My only fear is that I hope this doesn't hurt her, That's the last thing I'd ever want to do. This is just a breath of fresh air and putting these claws of misery out in the open gives them a chance to dry up and go away. For one thing is certain, I am completely and utterly committed to my goddess and the path ahead, with no doubt in my mind she is the one for me. I spend my days dreaming of ways to make her smile, a smile that drives me crazy...er lol. I just know that my problems are my own (a cross to bear if you will) and with alittle patience and time all will be right and I can be like everyone else, patience and time...