Respect and awe

Look at the pretty people, all walking past. Everyone with a life, everyone with someone else. Almost enough to make oneself puke. They all seem so very perfect, in every single way. I cannot wait to become them, to change them and myself. The very thought brings almost a tear to my eye thinking of the fact that I will finally have worth to people I don't even know! I know I make an impact on those close to me, that is self explanatory. But to people who I want to become close to, I want to be needed by many not just a select few. Are you one of the few? That's obviously for you to know and me not too. You push me away so very much, with every glance, with every sentence. Could be that you live miles away, mind body and soul that I haven't ruined yet. I miss you, I really do. But do you remember the old days? When you did not know my face? God did we talk, we talked and joked and it was if we were right next to each other. As if you were in my arms and didn't care what I looked like or sounded like. That's what made you perfect! But perfection does not last forever. You met me, we drifted, it all happened just like I had predicted. How unfortunate. If only you would see me at the end of the becoming, how things would be different. Not like now, when you utter a few words that still I cherish with every waking breath. But no more, I realize my place. I understand what I am here for. I am here to show others the light, and to do that I must change for I am not fit as of now. And maybe after my work is done, I will be rewarded, with your love if possible. But this is merely a dream and I realize that. Just understand how much I am giving to become something. Not just a worthless failure. Piece by piece it all falls away to the perfection underneath. And if i must sell my soul to be something to you it will be done, thats how much i want to be noticed, thats how much i want the awe, THAT is how much I want to spread that awe to those around me. They all seem so perfect anyway, they can spare a poor sod like me some respect and awe.