Sucker
If you can't spot the sucker after being at the table ten minutes, then you are the sucker. And Johnny Chan always said, "it's immoral to let the sucker keep his money."
Why is it always me. Sucker for a face. Sucker for word or two. Even a sucker for a look of intrigue. I don't know what I do to deserve it, or even why I do it. All I know is that in this one moment of breathless remorse there is no refuge from it. The scars of the past run rampant in my head like the absinth coursing through my veins. It pains me to even think of the day that approaches, I hate the daylight, despise it with every breath. For it shows our true colors, it shows how we truly look and the scars that the previous days have left behind. And yet as the same sucker I have always been I do the same thing over and over and OVER again thinking that maybe your god will be kind to a poor beggar for once and smile upon a servant he turned looses to his dogs. But they say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting and different result, so maybe I am not so much a sucker but insane, crazy, loco. I hate this, this becoming I thought was for nothing, but maybe it will burn away this old filth around me and stop this pain from killin me from the inside out. I don't know why I never learn, all I really know is that I never do. And yet when your wretched daylight comes I will know one thing, that your advice to tough it out with a smile will keep coming, your denial of reality will keep coming, and me being a sucker I will keep thinking that you are right. I will plow ahead thinking that if I am happy life will change, only to be let down in the end. Because I know what the future holds without this change. You may say I do not need the dragon, you may say I do not need to become, but you do no know life in the shoes of one who is not even in the same league as you. How dare you put me in your category knowing full well deep inside your bones I am not supposed to be there!! You know nothing of pain! Pain I deal with everyday that eats what little faith in my pain wracked body has left. I cannot bare the pain any longer, I cannot live a lie. I am changing so I will never have to deal with this daylight again. I will walk away from this all a change man. I will be something that doesn't feel this pain, this horrible wracking PAIN! No longer will I be a sucker for pain. I cannot live like this anymore, come hell or high water something will change, the pain WILL stop. But of course you will never know, because being happy can change the world! Behind every smile you see nothing, it's nothing but a bluff. Someday you will understand, when you are put in a situation where you know full out that you inferior to these nice people telling you that your not. Then you will know what one day is like being a failure. Your god abandoned me, my heart fizzled and burnt away from relentless pain and heartaches, and everywhere around me I see nothing but perfection and how I failed at it. But in the end I suppose, when the change has ended, you will look like you where right all along. The boy will be confident, strong and happy, not putting up with any crap that comes his way. He will no longer throw his heart to the dogs because he can no longer find it. I WILL NO LONGER BE A SUCKER.
Why is it always me. Sucker for a face. Sucker for word or two. Even a sucker for a look of intrigue. I don't know what I do to deserve it, or even why I do it. All I know is that in this one moment of breathless remorse there is no refuge from it. The scars of the past run rampant in my head like the absinth coursing through my veins. It pains me to even think of the day that approaches, I hate the daylight, despise it with every breath. For it shows our true colors, it shows how we truly look and the scars that the previous days have left behind. And yet as the same sucker I have always been I do the same thing over and over and OVER again thinking that maybe your god will be kind to a poor beggar for once and smile upon a servant he turned looses to his dogs. But they say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting and different result, so maybe I am not so much a sucker but insane, crazy, loco. I hate this, this becoming I thought was for nothing, but maybe it will burn away this old filth around me and stop this pain from killin me from the inside out. I don't know why I never learn, all I really know is that I never do. And yet when your wretched daylight comes I will know one thing, that your advice to tough it out with a smile will keep coming, your denial of reality will keep coming, and me being a sucker I will keep thinking that you are right. I will plow ahead thinking that if I am happy life will change, only to be let down in the end. Because I know what the future holds without this change. You may say I do not need the dragon, you may say I do not need to become, but you do no know life in the shoes of one who is not even in the same league as you. How dare you put me in your category knowing full well deep inside your bones I am not supposed to be there!! You know nothing of pain! Pain I deal with everyday that eats what little faith in my pain wracked body has left. I cannot bare the pain any longer, I cannot live a lie. I am changing so I will never have to deal with this daylight again. I will walk away from this all a change man. I will be something that doesn't feel this pain, this horrible wracking PAIN! No longer will I be a sucker for pain. I cannot live like this anymore, come hell or high water something will change, the pain WILL stop. But of course you will never know, because being happy can change the world! Behind every smile you see nothing, it's nothing but a bluff. Someday you will understand, when you are put in a situation where you know full out that you inferior to these nice people telling you that your not. Then you will know what one day is like being a failure. Your god abandoned me, my heart fizzled and burnt away from relentless pain and heartaches, and everywhere around me I see nothing but perfection and how I failed at it. But in the end I suppose, when the change has ended, you will look like you where right all along. The boy will be confident, strong and happy, not putting up with any crap that comes his way. He will no longer throw his heart to the dogs because he can no longer find it. I WILL NO LONGER BE A SUCKER.
posted by Iudex Yasha at 1:03 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home