The heart and the shape

Why does it hurt so much to tell your heart to shut up and leave the thinking to me...

I cannot have her, she need not know me. Only a face, a wretched, scarred and unworthy face. Why does my heart torture me so whenever the thought flashes across the mind. I know that empty hole in my chest is thinking waiting to make me do things that would make no sense. It wants to come back, I know it. But to change and become more than better, I needed to put it away...Forever. It is a pity, but better this way. And really, how could my heart brake? It was never whole in the first place. So I suppose it really is better not to have one. Just wish I would stay away. I have had enough of pain. Every look into her eyes, every time I hear her voice, every time I gaze into the mirror only to fear what stares back at me...