Undivided
I have long been fascinated by romance. Love if you will. At its base level it is simply a chemical in our brain, nothing more. But when you watch it work it truly is astounding the power this chemical has over our lives. Think about it. What are all the things that love can make you do? Buy things you cannot afford. Say things you should not have. Suffer for the stupidest of reasons. Fight hopeless battles. Travel distances any sane person would fine ridiculous. The list goes on. Growing up the way i did there is always love to go around. And you never shy away from saying it, as there are an infinite array of levels one has of love. You love your family, you love your spouse or partner, you love your children, you love your friends, hell you even love your favorite sports team but it all is covered by the term love. What matters and what differentiates said love oh reader mine is simple, how you show it.
By now every dog and horse has heard the of the five love languages and they are absolutely spot on. However in my estimation they do not go deep enough. How does each category of love language show love? More importantly what is one thing all the languages either do or can do that universally shows love or in this case affection? Because that is what it comes down to, affection. The act of showing how you love or how much. And through all these years of failed relationships, heartbreaks, rejections and watching others have all the fun i have come to conclusion that although no one and i mean no one loves like i do or how i do or how deep i do the universal thread throughout every and all relationships whether good or bad is how and how much affection is shown. And that oh reader mine is the crux of this issue, how do people show affection?
The ways are obviously endless but throughout my self reflection as to why i am defeated at every turn in this silly little board game the glass shattering moment is that i show affection in the most sincere and deep and passionate way, something ninety nine percent of the population cannot see and can react in only two ways to it. Simply not understand it or read it and drive right on by or with zero understanding so it is seen as a negative. What is it i am doing that is so different and wildly upsetting? i am showing affection the only way i know how, ultimately. What do i mean? All this time it took me to realize the most loving and passionate and true way to show affection is not gifts, is not doing nice things for someone, is not sex (nowadays that concept is laughable, ask my ex lol) but is what is behind all these actions. Simply put, it is attention.
That's right. Good old fashioned attention. It all comes down to that. Chew on that a moment. Do you love your children? Everyone should say yes so saying that do you give them your undivided attention? What about your parents? Your significant other? Hell your damn dog? I can hear you scoffing now, "of course I do sir!" Well saying that, have you ever looked at your phone while in their company? How about eat? How about watch television? Read? Clean? Cook? Checkmate. That is why i say attention is the ultimate form of showing affection. First off it's rare, secondly it really shows how much you love when you actually pull it off. When it comes to a person when you give them your undivided attention you are basically saying "you currently are my entire world at the moment" and that is huge. It means nothing else matters, nothing. No worries, no events, nothing else but you. What a statement. To give someone attention and all of it no less truly shows that person is valued, which goes to show how much they mean to you because you are giving them the most priceless of commodities. Time. Attention literally is time. Time is the one thing you can never ever get back. You can always make money or work harder to make said money. Or seek out a "priceless" object but time is here and then it is gone. That is why it is so special. You can never ever get it back. So to give another human being your attention which translates to you time shows so much value words cannot do it justice. The minute we are born we begin to die, one second at a time. When you do the math our lives seemingly pass in the blink of an eye so to spend even one second on another person is huge no? Think of all the time you give to all the things that do not matter. You spend your time reading about what a celebrity thinks, or what a sports star is doing, or what the fucking weather is going to be. All that time can be given to someone you proclaim to love. That in my words would really show how much you love them. Spoil your children with attention so they don't grow up having mommy or daddy issues (if you catch my drift). Shower your significant other with attention so they know you have no room in your heart for anyone else. Give your parents or grandparents some attention so as not to waste the wisdom of their past experiences and to show appreciation for bringing you into the world when they did not have to. That's what it means to be present. Be focused on them that are in front of you. If you are ok with giving your time to mundane things then you are perfectly capable to give it those you say you love. Or at least be honest in the facts and if you love them show and if you don't then say so.
If you think about it, the root of jealousy and even envy is attention. Jealousy being that you are afraid of losing something you value and envy being wanting what someone else has. All that can be summed up in attention. You are afraid of losing the attention of your husband because he is giving it to someone or something else. You envy the attention your wife is giving to someone or something. You want the attention someone else is getting or has gotten in the past. Retroactive jealousy should be called retroactive envy more like but that's another story. You want the attention your significant other gave to others in the past or is giving to them now. Your partner is giving their attention to their job shows that they value the job over you. Think of all the corners you cut while on the job to think about something else. You go on facebook on the job, you listen to music. That is attention and time. So if you value someone, show it. If you have two seconds for something other than whatever it is you are doing at the time you have two seconds to shoot off a text saying "hey, im thinking about you." If that cannot be done you simply don't love someone, period. If you do not have the time to send someone three words that really shows what you value and what you do not. You love your dog? Do you walk them? Train them? Play with them? You have five seconds to tweet that you burnt your roast beef but you have no time to throw a ball around the house with your furry friend? That shows value. What you read, shows value. What you watch shows value. What you wear or eat shows value. There a billion easier alternatives to most things we give our time to, so giving a large amount of time or even a modicum of such shows tremendous value.
Perhaps i was born wrong, or grew up badly to think this way i'm not sure. What i do know is that relationships fall apart when attention is diverted elsewhere. Whether it be boredom or routine or whatever you want to call it when attention wanes then people drift apart, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. A hungry dog is never loyal and that makes complete sense when you think about it. As humans we crave attention, we feed off it. Don't give your children attention they will seek it from others, same goes for your significant other. Attention is a drug that all people need and it will be sought and found no matter what. If you want your relationship with any other living breathing being to last all you have to do is give them your attention. If they don't give it back then well i guess things are not mutual but you cannot expect someone to give you their time if you are not willing to give yours. Think about how wonderful it feels when someone can't get enough of how your day went or that funny story you have. It fills you with life when someone pays attention to how you dressed or how your yard looks because you put time into it.
Time. We all only have so much of it. In a flash it can all be gone and you might have wasted how much of over silly stupid shit. Your loved one deserves your attention. No job has no moment to shoot off a quick text or email. If you can look at your phone for god knows what you can take some of that time to tell those which you proclaim to value that not only you do but that you show it as well. If you say you do then show it. This is not rocket surgery, it's simple. Since coming to this realization i have such a profound appreciation for time given or taken. It's one way you can cut back on the regrets you may incur over a life time. Kiss more, hug more, dance more, listen more, talk less. Interest is attention, which is value, which is time. It all taps the same vein of affection. There is a time and place for everything (pun intended) but remember that time is running out, the clock does not stop for anyone. So show your affection, prioritize the people and things you say you love. There is only such much of your time to give, so you should give it wisely. You never know when the clock will strike midnight and you spent the last twelve hours looking at something pointless when in reality you could have given that precious time to someone that matters. That's also how you can tell if someone truly values you in return. So going forward the greatest and most heartfelt compliment you could ever receive from me is being looked straight in the eye and being told with all seriousness and gravity, "you have my undivided attention."
By now every dog and horse has heard the of the five love languages and they are absolutely spot on. However in my estimation they do not go deep enough. How does each category of love language show love? More importantly what is one thing all the languages either do or can do that universally shows love or in this case affection? Because that is what it comes down to, affection. The act of showing how you love or how much. And through all these years of failed relationships, heartbreaks, rejections and watching others have all the fun i have come to conclusion that although no one and i mean no one loves like i do or how i do or how deep i do the universal thread throughout every and all relationships whether good or bad is how and how much affection is shown. And that oh reader mine is the crux of this issue, how do people show affection?
The ways are obviously endless but throughout my self reflection as to why i am defeated at every turn in this silly little board game the glass shattering moment is that i show affection in the most sincere and deep and passionate way, something ninety nine percent of the population cannot see and can react in only two ways to it. Simply not understand it or read it and drive right on by or with zero understanding so it is seen as a negative. What is it i am doing that is so different and wildly upsetting? i am showing affection the only way i know how, ultimately. What do i mean? All this time it took me to realize the most loving and passionate and true way to show affection is not gifts, is not doing nice things for someone, is not sex (nowadays that concept is laughable, ask my ex lol) but is what is behind all these actions. Simply put, it is attention.
That's right. Good old fashioned attention. It all comes down to that. Chew on that a moment. Do you love your children? Everyone should say yes so saying that do you give them your undivided attention? What about your parents? Your significant other? Hell your damn dog? I can hear you scoffing now, "of course I do sir!" Well saying that, have you ever looked at your phone while in their company? How about eat? How about watch television? Read? Clean? Cook? Checkmate. That is why i say attention is the ultimate form of showing affection. First off it's rare, secondly it really shows how much you love when you actually pull it off. When it comes to a person when you give them your undivided attention you are basically saying "you currently are my entire world at the moment" and that is huge. It means nothing else matters, nothing. No worries, no events, nothing else but you. What a statement. To give someone attention and all of it no less truly shows that person is valued, which goes to show how much they mean to you because you are giving them the most priceless of commodities. Time. Attention literally is time. Time is the one thing you can never ever get back. You can always make money or work harder to make said money. Or seek out a "priceless" object but time is here and then it is gone. That is why it is so special. You can never ever get it back. So to give another human being your attention which translates to you time shows so much value words cannot do it justice. The minute we are born we begin to die, one second at a time. When you do the math our lives seemingly pass in the blink of an eye so to spend even one second on another person is huge no? Think of all the time you give to all the things that do not matter. You spend your time reading about what a celebrity thinks, or what a sports star is doing, or what the fucking weather is going to be. All that time can be given to someone you proclaim to love. That in my words would really show how much you love them. Spoil your children with attention so they don't grow up having mommy or daddy issues (if you catch my drift). Shower your significant other with attention so they know you have no room in your heart for anyone else. Give your parents or grandparents some attention so as not to waste the wisdom of their past experiences and to show appreciation for bringing you into the world when they did not have to. That's what it means to be present. Be focused on them that are in front of you. If you are ok with giving your time to mundane things then you are perfectly capable to give it those you say you love. Or at least be honest in the facts and if you love them show and if you don't then say so.
If you think about it, the root of jealousy and even envy is attention. Jealousy being that you are afraid of losing something you value and envy being wanting what someone else has. All that can be summed up in attention. You are afraid of losing the attention of your husband because he is giving it to someone or something else. You envy the attention your wife is giving to someone or something. You want the attention someone else is getting or has gotten in the past. Retroactive jealousy should be called retroactive envy more like but that's another story. You want the attention your significant other gave to others in the past or is giving to them now. Your partner is giving their attention to their job shows that they value the job over you. Think of all the corners you cut while on the job to think about something else. You go on facebook on the job, you listen to music. That is attention and time. So if you value someone, show it. If you have two seconds for something other than whatever it is you are doing at the time you have two seconds to shoot off a text saying "hey, im thinking about you." If that cannot be done you simply don't love someone, period. If you do not have the time to send someone three words that really shows what you value and what you do not. You love your dog? Do you walk them? Train them? Play with them? You have five seconds to tweet that you burnt your roast beef but you have no time to throw a ball around the house with your furry friend? That shows value. What you read, shows value. What you watch shows value. What you wear or eat shows value. There a billion easier alternatives to most things we give our time to, so giving a large amount of time or even a modicum of such shows tremendous value.
Perhaps i was born wrong, or grew up badly to think this way i'm not sure. What i do know is that relationships fall apart when attention is diverted elsewhere. Whether it be boredom or routine or whatever you want to call it when attention wanes then people drift apart, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. A hungry dog is never loyal and that makes complete sense when you think about it. As humans we crave attention, we feed off it. Don't give your children attention they will seek it from others, same goes for your significant other. Attention is a drug that all people need and it will be sought and found no matter what. If you want your relationship with any other living breathing being to last all you have to do is give them your attention. If they don't give it back then well i guess things are not mutual but you cannot expect someone to give you their time if you are not willing to give yours. Think about how wonderful it feels when someone can't get enough of how your day went or that funny story you have. It fills you with life when someone pays attention to how you dressed or how your yard looks because you put time into it.
Time. We all only have so much of it. In a flash it can all be gone and you might have wasted how much of over silly stupid shit. Your loved one deserves your attention. No job has no moment to shoot off a quick text or email. If you can look at your phone for god knows what you can take some of that time to tell those which you proclaim to value that not only you do but that you show it as well. If you say you do then show it. This is not rocket surgery, it's simple. Since coming to this realization i have such a profound appreciation for time given or taken. It's one way you can cut back on the regrets you may incur over a life time. Kiss more, hug more, dance more, listen more, talk less. Interest is attention, which is value, which is time. It all taps the same vein of affection. There is a time and place for everything (pun intended) but remember that time is running out, the clock does not stop for anyone. So show your affection, prioritize the people and things you say you love. There is only such much of your time to give, so you should give it wisely. You never know when the clock will strike midnight and you spent the last twelve hours looking at something pointless when in reality you could have given that precious time to someone that matters. That's also how you can tell if someone truly values you in return. So going forward the greatest and most heartfelt compliment you could ever receive from me is being looked straight in the eye and being told with all seriousness and gravity, "you have my undivided attention."
posted by Iudex Yasha at 9:36 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home