The Thing from the stars

A Shard of alien malignity!

I have always loved H.P. Lovecraft. He brought to page and into our minds what fear really was. His vision of what fear is really really struck to the bone for most people who truly grasp his work. My favorite tome of his tho is "The color out of space", It rattles me cold everytime i read it. Its about a shard of "something" falling from space and infecting or rather draining the life out everything around a farm and countryside where the impact happened. It is always made out to be alive and described as simply " a color unlike any other" which again fascinates me. With most literature we all have our own visions of what the characters look like but this being a color brings to the imagination endless possibilities which feeds into the entire idea of the story. The people, the livestock, even the vegetation turns foul and sour. Twisting and rotting and becoming a husk of what the poor thing was. And one of the more fascinating parts is that the color just leaves, man has no say in its departure. We are so far removed from even contemplating what it is that we could no even dream to influence it in any way other than be something akin to food for it. Regardless of my quick coles notes on the story i highly recommend reading it in its original entirety, to fully grasp the horror. Why do i bring this up? Well believe it not i have found more than a few similarities between the story and events that have transpired this past year. 

Firstly, the color drains the life of all around it, emanating from a well on the farm. Much like myself who because of this wretched state i happen to be in i am unintentionally draining all those around me life, fervour and even investment in myself and what lies around me. My actions like the color are harming people regardless of what i "intend" to do. It really lies true that worst things ever perpetrated on earth were done with the best intentions. In the story the "sickness" or whatever you would call it once set in motion is almost a runaway harming and changing everything. It also starts gradually and builds up to a unbelievable crescendo. Much like me, it started so gradual and under the surface and no one saw this coming. It rings true, how do you boil a frog? If you throw it into a boiling pot it will jump right out, if you put it in a cold pot and gradually increase the heat the frog will sit and boil to death. Same here. If these issues had jumped out first thing many of the preceding things would not have happened. Alas this was a slow build so the harm came slowly. A fact i will never ever be able to forgive myself for, period. It is absolutely true not just with me but with most people that when you pull up the carpet you can find a lot of mould. It’s not pretty and that’s the point. 

The force from outer space is indescribable, much like that which avails me. I have no idea how to grasp it, and neither does anyone else. People without experience say “just be happy” like it was that simple. Those with experience are trying their best which I appreciate immensely. This uncontrollable rot, this gaping gangrenous wound that still needs to be stitched and bandaged shut. Instead of filling it with still water and salt hoping that it will just get better. The fear that this will never go away or that it will tarnish and decay the world around me beyond repair before being fixed haunts me constantly. 

Many parts of this bring fear to the forefront of my mind. I can’t explain it, I can’t describe it. All I know is it’s destructive potential and even tho great strides have been made (baby steps are still going forward) there is still much to do. Curiosity, interest and obsession - mile markers on my road to damnation. Am I doomed to an eternity of futile struggle? A penance for my unspeakable transgressions. As time wears on, my wild policy of self experimention has grown intolerable. I am trying near anything to gain some insight (grant us eyes) into the growing horror beneath the layers of my mind. The change in me is appalling, and, unable anymore to stomach it I beg for absolution of ANY kind. I seem to be failing spectacularly, which defeats me thoroughly. Corruption has soaked the soil of my life, sapping all good life from these “groves” - I need to burn out all I can to cauterize the wound. The thing I have become cannot be described, an incoherent jumble of organ, sinew and bone. Yet in all this madness my goddess, a beacon in the darkness, stars in the emptiness of the void. Great adversity has a beauty, it is the fire that tempers the blade. Oh how this tempering has dragged on for an eternity. 

Do you know that fear? Do you feel that pain? Do you have the insight to see this sort of malignancy in your own life? We all have wounds that need filling, mine just grew and gasped beyond my own reasoning. We all have the potential to become twisted and maniacal, a slathering testament to the powers of corruption. Would you be like me should your wounds grow wild? A travesty, a blundering mountain of hatred and rage.  

Now this needs to wrap up, I apologize for I just needed to shout into the night. The sky and the cosmos are one. Keeping with the theme I seem to be beyond those around me. Unlike those with the ability to just “shrug things off” and not ruminate on every event or action that occurs in my life. Star-spawned and withering. Battered and broken I still stand, oddly enough. Who among us could fathom the hateful scorn of the swirling stars that could create such oil laden starlight. A phoenix that forgot to un-ash so to speak. I havnt a clue why I cannot void my mind of this lurching composition of otherworldly misery. I look into the mirror and see nothing but a denizen of unconscionable alienage. Born of the stars I shriek to my goddess in the hopes that she can sooth this rattling crystalline bulk of nightmare made material. Hoping and praying to return to the stars whence this menace came.