Drowned Bricks

If you pick up a brick, your arm will be quite comfortable. It is only after some time that your arm begins to hurt and weaken. Our minds are much the same.

It is when we achieve security that things fall apart, always. 

We only feel how tired we truly are when we stop. If we’ve been lost in the ocean battling the waves upon waves it’s when we fall upon the wet sand that we sleep. Only then our hearts give out from the struggle.

Looking Back, Pure Regret

The year is nearly passed

And the east wind blew.

Even the ruins fell into ruin.

Tired playthings if time, 

Thunder and rain. 

Fate has truly spun my thread

Time Is So Fickle

“Come what come may,

Time and the hour run through the roughest day.”- Macbeth

Day by day

Time takes aim

And strikes from far away

Then near wheeling

I watch a crush of woes

Grind me down, 

If thinks ive grown

Soft and weak, 

Old and grey

Do time whatever you will

Today is yesterday 

And always will

Why That?

They build and say we shall never die, 

But builders build for ruins

In The End Our Choices Make Us

You were not just my first choice,

You were the only choice I’d ever accept

I’d say you were my only choice,

But they might think I mean

That I wanted one. Why then

Would I want anything 

But the dreams you set at my

Feet and the fire you ignited

In what constitutes as my heart?

I burn, burn burn burn with 

A flame that had never more

Than flickered before now.

Smile like I never have before

Emitting a light that pulls back

The curtain of darkness we were

Shrouded with. I breathe a breath

Of the living. I am alive,

And that is something I 

Thought I’d never be 

Crazy Just Takes Alittle Push

Her chaos made me lose my calm

She is madness, 

And before her 

I never wanted to lose

My sanity this bad

But now I want to be wild with her

And only her, 

Chase storms and

Run down empty streets past midnight

I want to be reckless 

Like she was long ago

With those so less deserving

Because it’s her chaos

That made me lose my calm

I was nothing before her

And after her so I shall return.

This goddess of song

And starlight

Now I wish to be a storm

That could drive her wild

Like she was so long ago,

Before my time, before I even

Knew what starlight truly was, 

I want to drive her crazy

I want to be the drug

That could drive her insane

I want to be what she is to me

To be what he was to her

It’s All I Got To Hold Onto

I was recently thinking (praying) if there was ever hope for a lost love returning; if someone who has fallen out of love can ever fall back in.

Ruminating on this

Sure, there is hope

But sometimes it functions like and anchor

It keeps you stuck,

Fighting the current, battling the waves

It keeps you perched in your crow’s nest searching for a horizon you will never reach,

It keeps your stomach sick from a storm you never let yourself leave. 

Maybe that’s why you don’t care if you ever did. I’m out here playing sailor while you pulled up anchor, jumped off your boat and headed as far inland as possible. 

Leaving this silly pirate wannabe to sink and rot in the Deep of his own creation. Throw a rope out if you could? If you ever seek the shore again. I’ll be here drowning in the meantime, no rush. 

#superhotwifey

My wife

You are my sun, moon and stars

You are my everything

That calls the sky it’s home

Breathless is nice darling, but with you I breathe easy. Without I simply don’t.

Yours To Keep

Maybe when I saw you,

I gave you my heart.

So whenever you go away

I can’t hear it beating.

It belongs to you

Regardless, despite

Your bridges, cranes and crazy people

Of All Places...

I believe there is penance in yearning. I am those both incarnate. There is poverty in giving too much of your heart. When your desire for another is not returned in equal measure, or at all-nothing in the world could compensate for the shortfall. Sometimes the loneliest place to be is in love.

Humour Me

Tell me if you ever cared

If a single thought for

Me was spared

Tell me when you lie in bed

Do you think

Of something I once said

Tell me if you hurt at all,

When someone says

My name with yours

It may have been long ago

But I would give

The world to know

Your blindness to my downfall has gone too far to be a joke

As I stand ablaze before you and you tell me you smell smoke

E.H.

Shaking Hands With The Gods

Divinity will stain your fingers and mouth like a pomegranate. It will swallow you whole and spit you out- wine dark and wanting. You will reach for it again and again, greedy human fingers clutching at everything you can reach. The divine will curl its way through your veins and take you over, and it will not leave quietly. I feel the divine in my own bones like aching, like fire 

So Very Simple

It is as simple as your hand in mine

It is as magical as sparkles in your eyes when you smile

It is as simple as you being by my side

It is as magical as being with you all the time

It is as simple as your soft kisses

It is as magical as kissing you back

Here and Gone Like Seasons

With every falling leaf

Her words get less

And when the first snow

Touched the ground,

The only word he could

Hear her whisper was

“Goodbye”

Divine Dreaming

You live vividly in my dreams

Where I paint you in forever

And love you wildly

Where “timing” isn’t our end and “circumstances” don’t tear us apart.

Longing

It is you

Whose absence turns

My moments of silence

And recollection

Into longing

After longing

After longing

...

Bricked it

Sometimes I miss you more than usual. Because normally it’s a silent, dull ache. Something you always know is there but can ignore if you move around and keep loose. Today was hard. Today was the biting, burning kind of missing you; it was looking around our house and seeing nothing, heading nothing, remembering only us. Then the look you gave me when you came back tonight, so uncaring, nothing and no time for me. I was mearly a piece of furniture in the way, old and outdated. Couldn’t care less, couldn’t spare even a thought in passing even as I reduce myself to atoms for you just as you wished. It’s so heartbreaking to remember myself being happy, in a sad way. I just miss you. I just miss how we were so long ago. How you made life feel just better, easier, full of love and possibilities. To feel wanted just as much as I want you, although more and more I am seeing that one specifically wasn’t true and never will be. I loved with all, knowingly and willingly giving you all the power to destroy me and everything around me. Sadly that’s the sticking point. I hurt, you don’t. And I think that’s what burns so much. You’ve already moved on, I’ve become a byline in an obituary while you polish up and repair bridges and cranes. Yet despite all that, all I hope is you will be ok in future and come back to me, my loyalty has not once faltered despite all my other mistakes, you have been the only one in my heart if I had such a thing. I pray just like this weekend you come back to me in one piece. I just hope never to get your reaction that I received tonight. I pray you will be ok, maybe then I’ll be ok as well.

Amnesia

How

You would forget

About little things,

Like forgetting to

Water the flower

And letting it die

Like that,

Like forgetting the

Bedrock of your

Pyramid

And letting it

Be devoured by

The sands of time

Killing in the Name of

I know its’s not killing you

Like it’s killing me

And perhaps

That is what’s killing me

Cosmic Signage

I need to stop looking for signs

The red rose on the sidewalk this morning is the same as the strangers floral dress in the coffee shop. I find it very easy to assign meaning to a reoccurring external that aligns with my internal. These patterns begin to weave over my eyes when I look at a thing and then another. Without knowing the pattern consumes all I see and I become blind. So I murdered the pattern, burned the whole damn colourful tapestry, and with it it’s purpose. Unknowingly murdering my purpose in it’s entirety. That warm blanket of purpose made of an illusion of patterns I carefully wove over years and believed in. But in seconds burned away. Now I see everything for no reason but that it is beautiful. But no reason for me.

Sun singer

I would name every sunset after you.

Beautiful like your heart

I would think about you

And cherish our memories

When I watch sunsets, 

And every single time

I hear about love

It’s your name that rings

In my ears and in my shriveled heart

Like one that doesn’t stop

And makes my heart

Best even faster, 

One that brings joy

And life to me,

This poor dead thing

the Most Beautiful of Yarn

She was (and is) the most beautiful

Complicated thing

I’d ever seen. 

A tangled mess of silky string

Of moonlight,

And all I wanted of life,

Was to sit down

Cross-legged

And untie her knots

Unrequited

Even after you’ve left me a pile of sun bleached bones, I cannot and will not regret you, or any moment spent with you or even getting close to you. Even as I cleave the flesh of wanting from the muscle and bone just as you demand I do, i only wish and hope the night sky and all others to come are pretty wherever you are. 

Three Questions

What was it like to love her? asked Gratitude. It was like being exhumed, i answered. And brought to life in a flash of brilliance

What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy. It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness i replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence.

What was is like to lose her? Asked Sorrow. There was a long pause before i responded

It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me - said all at once

A Quiet Place

i can still feel
your hands on my
body. Reaching down
my throat,
picking out my
words so after
you leave all
there is
is silence

How Men Like Me Pray

Hands that kiss hymns up your sides.

he confesses how long he's looked

for a place to worship and, 

oh,

how you put him on his knees.

When he sinks to the floor

and moans

like he cant help himself,

he prays that you see him

as your angel and yours alone

and wonder how 

he fell so hard

Sadly some prayers are never heard

Funny huh?

in some other life
we are standing
side by side and
laughing that, in
some other life

we are apart

Let it be

let there be pain,
i did not hold your hand
just to let go when
it starts to hurt. No
not like you

beautifully painful

Symbiosis

The one thing i know for sure is that feelings are rarely mutual. So when they are, drop everything, forget belongings and expectations. Forget games, the two days between texts and the playing hard to gets because this is it, this is what the entire world is after and you've stumbled upon it by chance, by accident - so take a deep breath, take a step forward, now run, collide like planets in the system of a dying sun, embrace each other with both arms and let all the rules, the opinions and common sense crash down around you.
Because this is love kid, and it's all yours. Believe me, you're in for one hell of a ride, ups downs spinning in every direction. Under bridges and cranes. It's fleeting and you never know when the gods will say it's the end and you have to leave this ride to others. Maybe you'll make it back on one day, maybe you wont. Pitbull that love if you can, and never let go.
after all - this is one thing i know.

Heaven and Hell

I didnt know a thing about her
i only knew that when she kissed
me, i felt alive again and my
whole life became something
different. it was heaven and
hell, brought together in my
head. My own secret world. And
i would burn there

The Existence of the Divine

you exist
past my own horizons
on what feels like the edge
of the world
Further than streets and roads
between us, yet somehow
closer

You exist
Brighter than the undiscovered stars.
with a smile that lights
worlds and a touch that sets
bodies alight. In your wake
i have smouldered to ash

You exist
both in another's arms
from long ago, in different
ways, different passion but
you occupy my memories and
theirs simultaneously.
i feel you everywhere i go
with every painful step,
and now you make sure you do
with them as well

But you exist
and that has always been,
and continues to be my reason
to smile. And whether you
exist in my world or not-
i will always be forever
grateful...that you exist

Celestial Child

and in the end
i will seek you
out amoungst
the stars

the space dust
of me will
whisper only to you
"i love you Goddess"

Into the infinity
of the universe

A Spattering of Existence

I long to exist
in the spaces of your heart
where no one else has been.
Alas some dreams return to dust
and remain unattainable, making a
monument of what you shall
never touch, a monument to all
you will never have. Even more
sorrowful is that i have been
crucified upon that monument.
Left to the rooks and to the worms,
under bridges and worth less than
cranes. Is my existence no longer
a reality in your soul?

Stardust love

if you came to me with a face
i have not seen, with a voice
i have never heard, i would
still know you. Even if centuries
separated us, i would still feel
you. Somewhere between the
sand and the stardust, through
every collapse and creation,
there is a pulse that echoes
of you and i

When we leave this world, we
give up all our possessions
and memories. Love is the only
thing we take with us. It
is all we carry from one life
to the next

Woman on the moon or moon on the woman?

as if you were on fire from within
the moon lives in the lining of your skin

Si es Luna

there is something moon soaked and dawn flavoured about her.

something kissed by the wild and loved by lightening

she looks like Artemis 

after a night of storm hunting.

she looks like the sun as it rises

after kissing the dawn

Starlight Sanctuary

Magic tumbled from her pretty lips
and when she spoke the language
of the universe - the stars sighed in unison

How Silly To Expect

I write poems about you,

Who could not?

Sure I would never tell you.

I have and you ignored or forgot

As is the norm with unimportant things

But perhaps one day you will be able

To read them to know

Just how special you are

Because I know you don’t realize it yet

But Goddess

You are the ocean

And I would give anything

To get lost at sea

Peaking Through The Blinds

I hide

Behind closed blinds

During daylight

And bury my skin

Under blankets that

Know me better than I do

I hope someday

The light will find a way

Through the cracks

While I stand from

The outside looking in

So I can tell her, 

I love you in all your divinity

And always will

If Wishes Were Fishes

I wish

You’d look at me

Like the way

I look at you

I wish

You’d search for me

Like the way

I search for you

Wherever I go

I wish

You’d love me

Like the way

I adore you

But I know

You do not want me or my affection anymore

And I know

You will never be mine

My Goddess