Finally let something out

There is nothing left, she was the last straw, the one that broke the camels back. This camel just can't take it anymore. If i wasn't dead before now...more than ever do i feel worthless, empty, dead. Do you think this makes me happy?! Do you think i like feeling this way?! How dare you even think that enjoy being like this! Go to hell you say? i have been here for far to long, it was YOU who was the only little bit of peace i had! It was YOU who was worth going through that hell, but it was you who has abadonded me back to it, back to it alone and in the dark. Just like all the rest

Just like all the rest

The last person on earth i though would do this, i find out your just like all the rest...

Tack another on the wall, count another for me, i killed another one. Not person tho, no no don't get me mixed up with a killer, no a relationship, an idea, an image. The image one person had of me, i don't know how i did it, i don't know when but i did. Now she knows the truth, that i am nothing, a nobody, no one important or worth knowing anyway. But why am actually saying this, writing it down instead of all the others? Simply put, she was the last person i thought would do this, i thought i was something to her. Of course i was wrong, how could i have thought that i was right? But she wasn't like all the others, she didn't see what i looked like for a year after we met, but then i guess thats what killed it, it always comes back to that. So in closing i guess she wasn't different, she wasn't at all one of a kind, she was like every...other. Just like all the rest, but how could i have been so blind? For i was, to think that i would be awsome to someone, one person on this rock. Silly freak, happiness is for normal people. Hey, i could make a cereal outta that...one that isn't like all the rest.

Sporco, indatto, indegno, Не достаточно хороший

Have you ever looked into the mirror and have been scared of what you have seen? I have, every waking moment i fear the mirror...

Unclean, unfit, unworthy...think of those words. They all have a common meaning to the person they are thrust upon. Not good enough, Не достаточно хороший, Non abbastanza buono, Nicht gut genug. One hundred and one ways to say, only one true way to express it...ME! Look me in the eyes if you can stomach it and say that i am wrong. i am going to end this like i ended one of my other masterpieces and i quote "The other day when i had the will and the gaul to leave my dream world, get up and look into the mirror for i had not seen myself since i fell from ur graces. From the depths of the mirror, corpse gazed back at me. The look in his eyes, as they stared into mine, has never EVER left me. That horrible, hidious, dead...face."

Something new?

This night was amazing, seeing my brothers and sisters, drinking and talking and chilling hanging out couldn't be better, well it could but...no this feeling can't be true. The truth tho? I wanted no one but you, i waited all night in the vain hope of you calling and some how finding your way into my arms. You didn't come but i still thought of you with every breath i took. But someone came tonight, someone who looked into my eyes and didn't find disgust in any part of the gaze. The look i may never forget because it has been so long that i looked into eyes of pure beauty and saw no fear or disgust. My how i wish to keep feeling that, maybe it's just me but i need that. She truly showed me what it is to be normal, to be whole...But alas just a feeling just a illusion. I still feel the want for you, and i want nay i need that feeling that this stranger gave me, but the difference is...i need it from you. You mean so very much to me, never forget that. I will grow old and gray, worse and worse looking (i didn't really think that was possible but w.e. i guess lol) but i will still need you, you will still mean the world to me. I see you almost everyday but i miss you...

Nothing but a face

May not be pretty, may not be hot, but you look at me and all you see staring back is a face, nothing more nothing less. You see me in the hallway, there one second and gone the next, do you even know that i passed you by? More immportantly do you even care and some kid that you mean the world too just walked by and didn't say anything because everytime he does he looks like a chump? No you don't care, otherwise i wouldn't be the one looking like the chump, it would be you, because you want to be something to me as much as i want to you. My worth is nothing to you and i hate it! But thats life i suppose. Another thing tho, it's kinda funny that now that same sickness you leech to me everytime you send your malevolent gaze my way, whenever you give me that look of disgust, of inferiorty, is starting to have an effect. If it was your goal to kill what i am, then hell you won, i am nothing to you, i am just a face. The other day when i had the will and the gaul to leave my dream world, get up and look into the mirror for i had not seen myself since i fell from ur graces. From the depths of the mirror, corpse gazed back at me. The look in his eyes, as they stared into mine, has never EVER left me. That horrible, hidious, dead...face.

No dice

Life is so incredibly like a casino it's scary. You walk into the place with confidence, you win a little and then...Well lets just say you hit the poker tables looking for some company, but they eat you up, they rip you to shreds, and they pick you apart and show you what you truly are. A scared little wussy who doesn't know anything about the game that you play. They may let you win a hand or two, hustle you up and then HIT you when you think you have won, when your confidence is at it's highest, they kill it. So you switch games, play a little roulette, and that kills yah, you don't even win once on the game (even tho it is the most fun outta all of them, that's what suckers ya). So once you grad. From the kiddy games you decide to hit it big. You hit the craps table, thinkin that you may finally pull through, your wrong as hell but you think you might. And thats where the buck stops, you finally hit the river, your roll is over, you lose, game over. Only fools go into that kind of gamble happy looking to win. Hope is just the denial of reality, miracles only happen in stories. In life it's not what you know, it's what you can prove. Life is just like the dice you play with at the craps table, no memory, no remorse, no emotion...