Pain unimaginable

God it hurts, it hurts like no other. And you all don't see it, or wish too i can't tell, nor do i wish too. It's pain like any other, because it is straight from the heart of another to mine. I have thought this over, i love you so much i can't even describe it. I see you in my dreams, around me all the time, in everything i do i find myself looking at you in some way shape or form, and THAT is what hurts, because i can't forget you. I can't forget the pain it caused when i liked you, when i loved you, and that fact that i still do and probably will forever yet be unable to be with you and have you. It's pain like no other, and there is no pill for it either, i just have to stomach it like i do everything else that happens. Just know this, i love you, there is nothing i can do about it, i am sorry thats just the way it is. Trust me if i could change it i would, but i can't. I guess it's true what they say, the pain of the first cut hurts the most. (i changed that bit so i wouldn't get sued lol, but you get the message)

What we must

We all have things that must be done, whether we like it or not...

We all have things that need to be done, in life, in our minds, and all around us. We might not like what needs to be done, it is grim business doing things we don't want to do, but like i said they must be done no matter how much we don't want them to be. Sometimes they are for the good of everybody around you, you just can't see it. You blow it off saying he is just being stupid, he really doesn't need to say or do that right? But what if he can see something that you can't, sees something about themselves that needs to change, sees something that would never be. And they change it for the good of everybody, so they wouldn't hurt those around them anymore than they already did. Thats why they do what they must, their decision was made up a long time ago. They were put on this earth not to enjoy what you all can have and most do. They were put on this earth for a reason, to help you all and try to make you see that. Because whoever made us knew you would be blind to the truth. Thats why they have the grim buisness of showing you the error of you ways, that is why they must do these things, no matter how much pain it causes them. Because it must be done, they just have to ignore the pain and accept it, although i will let you in on alittle secret, it hurts alot, doing what we don't want to do...just because we must.

Who am I?

The moral of this one, you tell me...

I am neither here nor there, there nor here. I am invisible to the naked eye, yet all can see me if they wish it. I am the flower that fades, here today and gone tomorrow. I am a wave on the ocean, just vapor in the air. I am the person who is only seen and only stands out when I am introduced by someone who is noticeable. You know, I know it, we all do self-consciencly in our minds, it is painfully obvious of all the denials of the truth when it is right in front of them how they act. I don't make it sound like I am alone, there are others, I don't know them of course for we have not been introduced by someone of significance. Funny how things come around full circle isn't it? But really who am I? Who I am to talk to you, to look at you, to even be in the same room as you. Who am I you ask, you tell me. Seriously I want to know. Who I am, we have always been obsessed with this question. Yet we almost never find the answer, I know who you are, you are a god. And I am not. So tell me your Hines...Who am I?

Can't hide it anymore

It's been inside too long, i can't hide forever. Pretty soon you will find out and you know what i don't care what any one thinks, they don't have to live with it...

It's been bugging me ever since it happened, i saw you differently, i saw how beautiful your smile was (is lol), i saw how beautiful you are in general, and boom, just like that...i love you. I used to think it would never happen, but wow has it ever. I saw that something was bothering you, you wouldn't tell but i saw it in your eyes, those things that make me melt everytime you look at me. And it's been bothering me, i can't stand to see you like this. I love you too much to see you suffer in pain and silence, cuz...i love you. And there is nothing i can do about it, i am sorry. But don't worry, eventually i will get the hint and hopefully run this love dry. Don't get me wrong i would love for it to happen but let's be realistic, you...and...and...me? I just love you so much, you deserve better than me, you always will. Yes my need for you is out weighed by your need for some one strong, smart, kind, someone who will treat you like to queen you are. The queen of my heart.

Evolution

Things in life will always change, that's all it will ever do.

It is easier to change than most people think. Most just shrug it off and say that if they don't want to change things won't, you will stay in your little bubble of happiness forever...This again is a fallacy. Life changes on it's own, it always has, it is now, and it always will. That's just the way it is. People change, friends and family, your relationships with those people mentioned, and most of all...The feelings you have have for those around you, and maybe those you have never really thought of before. You can't help it, you can't stop it. Life changes, things change, it's just evolution in the process. But yet I have always found something somewhat amusing, funny how things change...Yet always, ALWAYS, stay the same...

Burning

My heart burns for you. To see you in your own personal hell and for me to be helpless to ease any of your pain. The pain I feel that I can't help you or be with you probably match's the pain you are in now, the pain that life has thrown you and yet you still definently stand tall, a beacon of hope for us all. You have been what has kept me going for ages now, ever since we met. Some how I knew you were special, and now being it that you are a chemical I must have if I am to carry on makes you all the more important in my life. Now I do not expect back the emotion that I have displayed, in fact if you even thought of it I would be knocked senseless from the mere thought of it. So do not trouble yourself, I know my place and will do nothing but wish to be with you, wish to be around you, for that is all I need, for it is all I have had so why not continue with the trend and keep life the way it is, for everyone is happy. Even if I am burning non the less, for I have been before, am now and ever shall be, without you.

Lust

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, I just had to see you again...

My God i forgot what it was like to be with you, what it was like to spend time with and see what I was missing. And it is painfully obvious that it was by his hand that you came to your earth to show us what beautiful is was and will always be. You are just everything I ever ever wanted and my heart screams that I want to be with you, every time I see you, or even when I HEAR of you. It's sick, it really is to think someone as God like as you, even talking to a...a...thing like me. For you are too beautiful, too beautiful for me apperently. But hey thats just life.

Broken

Nothing but a Broken statue in the wind, alone and fading...

Once, the splendor of everything around, this statue was the envy of the villages all around it. It truly was a masterfull creation, made of clay from the earth, or as the villagers said it, human clay. For it came from the same earth as everyone else did right? So it was as strong as those around it. Well over time the villagers became careless and greedy, taking everything around them for granted, everything. All the statue could do was watch in horror as the people that is was supposed to grow strength from showed the signs of withering away, the seed had been planted and it was only a matter of time till the seed of greed and iggnorance and arrogance broke away the bond the statue had with the people. Well the day came that people cared more about the things of men, money, riches, and appriences more than they loved the statue that gave them alot of the publicity they had gotten from the other towns around the surrounding area. Eventually the youth of the town moved away only seeing some old grungy statue in the middle of the village, nothing important right? The elders forgot the statue, they forgot the good times and the bad times the statue had seen with them, and of course standing strong the try and give the people the strength they needed. The people forgot that the statue was there for them through all those times and would be there for strength when ever they needed it. So eventually they elders who lived there died and the village was left completly bare and devoid of all life, for the youth gave up and desserted it, and the elders love for it died long before they were laid to rest. So the statue devoid of the things that gave it strength, devoid of the love the people had for it and each other, slowly broke away and withered, and only it's fools hope the someday, the people it cared so much about will remember what strength and friendship the statue gave. The peace it helped promote and the good and bad times the statue was there for, for that is all the statue has left, some silly little fools hope. The hope that it's time will once again be needed and loved, don't prove him wrong.

The pain of waiting

Waiting is another thing our race has done, another thing that kills our hope like nothing we have ever had before....

Hope, one thing that can't ever die right? Wrong, it can and it will, one way, time. Waiting, waiting for things to get better when deep down you KNOW they won't, you KNOW your place and you KNOW that the longer things stay the way they are you will slowly but surely rot, away. It is a slow way to die, but it's been something that many people have gone through and all you see now is the empty shell that the absence of the one or ones they care about in mind body and soul has turned them into. They are all around, most are just to blind to see the pain that others go through, or worse...they see it and do nothing to agnolige it, let alone try to help the preson from the hell that they can see they have been banished too. See that is the way of the world, most just sit and wait for things to get better, knowing they won't. And see that is another pain, seeing and knowing that people are that blind to do that, weird huh? Well most would argue that life is weird, thats just the way it has always been and always will be, BUT! Life wouldn't be like that if you go and make things happen. See that person in hell? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! See that person who likes you, don't ignore them you arrogant prick...DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, even if it is talking to them the get it out, just so you don't kill anyone else's hope and heart. Because they are already waiting and hoping for things to change, don't take that away from them, it may be all they have...

Missing you

the most painful thing in life.....

They say the the worst way to miss someone one is when you are sitting right next to them and you know deep in your heart that you will never have them, you will never be with them. Some times it is unbearable. I see you in my dreams, but not in reality where I need you the most. Not where my heart needs you. For everyday it aches just to see you, just to be with you, just to hear you breathing.... See thats all I need, is to be some what with you, it doesn't need to be much, you don't even need to remember my name. As long as I get to gaze upon your face and see the beauty which god himself gasped at when he made it. Because no matter how much you think you are not worth that worthless guy you adour, or that asshole who you love so much, you will always be something to me, you will always be the bell of the ball, the apple in my eye. Sorry there is no escaping it... I love you, Ti Amo V

You don't know what you have until it's gone

Well my title explains it all in this boring post lol sorry guys but it explains it all...

Life is short. And so many people are blessed in this world they don't even know it. Most of us don't know our wealth till we lose it, and some know how great it is and how much we have and it heartbreaks us more and destorys us more because we know what we lost. The saying better to have love and lost then never to have loved at all, is made a mockery because of this principle. I would rather never have to deal with the pain of knowing what i had and have it ruined then never being able to taint such a gift with my unpure and unworthy being life and spirit. For love is for the pure, the kind, the worthy. Not me, and not others which i have seen. That is life, that is MY lot in life, it isn't alot but it's my life. Horrible joke but the message reamains clear, as it always has and will. Such has it been in the begining is now and ever shall be. You will always meet people like me who were only meant for certain things. And that is just the way it is. We all in our lives have lost something dear to us, and rest assured we always will. And no matter how many times you try to prepare yourself for it's coming, life will always be there to put you in your place.

Hope

Just when you thought it couldn't get stupider, haha, i just pull out another masterpiece....

Some say (me included at one time, and mostly still) that hope is just the denial of reality. It is the one that that will keep us going through this horrible life of ours fully knowing that we are going to get hurt, and that it will hurt. Hope is what gets us through these troubling times by telling us that things will get better, that things can't stay bad for this long right? Wrong. They can and they will. Love? Love is just a fools hope. Just some stupid phrase coined to keep you going, some crap that will keep you in this life "hoping" that someday you will find this perfect person that will make your life heaven when really all it does is dull the pain. Well I have thought this way a great deal in my life, until I actually was touched by the grace of love, just mearly got a glimse of it. And it was enought to change my life. It was my greatest blessing and greatest curse. For I longed for it, but I longed for it to stop. Call me a fool (most people do to some exent), say I have never felt it, but I have. It is a fool's hope that guides me. Because I know reality, yet I know hope is just it's denial. So i wonder, what keeps me going? And then much to my shegrim, I live the answer. Hope, all things must end with hope. See I have accepted that hope guides me, it is what gets me through the days and especailly the nights, the hope that once you are gone from my side it will not be the last time that I look apon you and the dream your presence has blessed me with.